What If Products Were Licensed Like Software

July 16, 2008

To poke fun at how absurd the End User Licensing Agreements (EULA) are becoming on software and how silly they make us look as a society, I have decided to start a list of products I have at my home and show how you would be able to use them if they had the same type of agreements.

  • Kitchen Table - The kitchen table you purchased may be used only in the kitchen by the parties that purchased the table. Other parties eating at the table that did not purchase the table are in violation of the Table User Agreement. The table may not be modified in any way including:
    1. being moved to another room besides the kitchen
    2. used for other purposes besides eating, like a homework desk, or craft area
    3. modified or enhanced by adding addition features like a table cloth, place settings, or floral arrangements.
    4. being transferred or sold to a third party
    5. painting is a direct violation of the TUA and is punishable by 10,000 dollar fine and 10 years in prison
    6. Adding no scuff pads to the feet of the table
    7. using chairs from another manufacture that were not part of the original set
  • Hair Brush - The Name Brand Hair Brush that you purchased is protected by a Hair Brush Users Agreement. This Agreement provides for the following uses and limitations:
    1. The hair brush may only be used on the hair type marked on the handle in bold text. You may not use a straight brush on curly hair and vise versa.
    2. You may not use the hair brush with any other products, or add-on unless packaged with the original unit. This includes unlicensed hair dryers, styling products, and scissors.
    3. The hair brush may only be used until the user  license expires. You may not use the brush beyond this point unless you have an updated license or one of our gold products that carry a lifetime activation code.
    4. Hair brushes include licensing for one individual and one hair type, if you have additional family members, or clients that will use the product contact 867-5309 (JENNY I GOT YOUR NUMBER)to inquire about an enterprise Hair Brush Agreement.
  • Jaguar - Congratulations on your new purchase of a Jaguar luxury vehicle. Please note that your new car is covered by a NSG (National Snob Agreement) with the following provisions
    1. Your new car carries a minimum income agreement that requires you to have a minimal yearly income of 500,000 dollars. If at anytime you fall below this income level you will be required to pay a penalty of 1,000 dollars a day until your income reaches the minimal level.
    2. You car may only run super unleaded gasoline from an authorized Jaguar retail center. You may not use any unauthorized third party fuel or fueling stations. This is a direct violation of this agreement.
    3. You may only use an authorized Jaguar shop to have your car serviced, and repaired.
    4. you may only use tires and rims from an authorized Jaguar dealer.
    5. Only the authorized purchaser is allowed to drive the car and or ride in the car. Any additional passengers will require you to buy an upgrade module that comes in 4 user packs. The seatbelts will not function for the additional seats in your car without the upgrade.
    6. You may not sell, or transfer the vehicle to a third party.

I would love for folks to send me some of their ideas. I was just sitting here going oh my gosh I can’t believe what we allow to go on in this industry. Well I hope that I have taken a little time out of your day to make you laugh and  think a little next time you purchase your next software product.

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Post Words: Kitchen Table, Hair Brush -, Jaguar -, Jaguar, Agreement, Brush, Table, NUMBERto, Agreements, Congratulations

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Posted by Mark F | Filed Under An Executive with Heart, Feature Marketing Article, Full Marketing BLOG 

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